I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
