Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
