Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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