I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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