My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
