I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
