dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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