capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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