I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
