we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
