I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize