So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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