well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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