Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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