Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
