oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Randomize
