When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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