i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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