omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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