I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize