The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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