I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
