For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
