New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
