dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
