he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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