I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
