I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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