I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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