If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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