What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
