News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
