Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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