I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Life is so much better after having sex.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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