She's JV to your varsity
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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