Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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