Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
