So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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