I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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