Please, let me fuck your mom
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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