I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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