wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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