So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
