I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
