I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
