K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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