Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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