Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
