i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
