A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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