you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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