I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
