Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
