He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
