remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
