just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
