ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize