just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
