my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
