Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
