I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
