I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
