Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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