Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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