i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
