right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
