Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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