The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize