I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
