Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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