I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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