You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
