he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I love having hate sex.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
And then he peed in my hair
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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